Out of Sight Out of Mind?: The Nature of Long Distance Marriages

Abstract

This study aims to explore the dynamics and characteristics of long-distance marriages thoroughly. This study which was conducted with a qualitative research method included 15 married individuals 10 women, 5 men who have been in long-distance marriages for almost four years M=50.60, SD=27.36 months . The data of the study were collected through semi-structured interview forms and analyzed by content analysis. Results of the content analysis yielded two main categories which were named as transition to long-distance marriage and process of long-distance marriage. Nine themes emerged under these two categories: preparation of transition to long-distance marriage, roles and responsibilities, conflict management strategies, family routines and rituals, advantages of long-distance marriage, disadvantages of long-distance marriage, facilitating factors of long-distance marriage, altruistic behaviors in long-distance marriage, and perspective to transition to close distance marriage. Findings of the study indicated that using effective communication strategies and technology, constructive conflict management strategies, positive personality traits, and relational resources support the maintenance of emotional intimacy despite the distance between the partners.

Keywords

• Long-distance marriage, transition to long-distance marriage, relationship maintenance behaviors, couple and family counseling

Gözden Uzak Olan Gönülden de Uzak mı Olur? Uzak Mesafe Evlilik İlişkilerinin Doğası

Abstract

Bu çalışma, uzak mesafe evlilik ilişki dinamiklerini ve özelliklerini derinlemesine incelemeyi amaçlamaktadır. Nitel desenle yapılandırılan bu çalışmaya, evliliklerini yaklaşık dört yıldır uzak mesafeli olarak sürdüren 15 evli birey 10 kadın, 5 erkek katılmıştır. Araştırmada veriler yarı yapılandırılmış görüşme formu aracılığıyla toplanmış olup, elde edilen verilerin değerlendirilmesinde içerik analizi tekniğinden yararlanılmıştır. İçerik analizi sonrasında uzak mesafe evliliğe geçiş ve uzak mesafe evlilik süreci kategorileri ve bu kategoriler içinde geçişe hazırlık, rol ve sorumluluklar, çatışmayla baş etme stratejileri, aile rutin ve ritüelleri, uzak mesafe evliliğin avantajları, uzak mesafe evliliğin dezavantajları, uzak mesafe evliliği kolaylaştırıcı etmenler, uzak mesafe evlilikteki fedakârlık davranışları ve yakın mesafe evliliğe bakış açısı temaları belirlenmiştir. Araştırmanın sonuçları, uzak mesafeye rağmen etkili iletişim, teknoloji kullanımı, yapıcı çatışma çözme stratejileri, olumlu kişilik özellikleri ve ilişkisel kaynaklar gibi faktörlerin, eşler arasındaki duygusal yakınlığı sürdürmeyi desteklediğini ortaya koymuştur.

Keywords

• Uzak mesafe evlilik, uzak mesafe evliliğe geçiş, ilişki sürdürme davranışları, çift ve aile danışmanlığı

References

1. Acedera, K. A., & Yeoh, B. S. 2019 . ‘Making time’: Long-distance marriages and the temporalities of the transnational family. Current Sociology, 67 2 , 250-272. https://doi.org/10.1177/0011392118792927
2. Acedera, K. A., & Yeoh, B. S. 2018 . Facebook, long-distance marriages, and the mediation of intimacies. International Journal of Communication,12, 4123-4142.
3. Aydoğan, D., & Dincer, D. 2020 . Creating resilient marriage relationship: Self-pruning and the mediation role of sacrifice with satisfaction. Current Psychology, 39 2 , 500-510. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12144-019-00472- x
4. Anand, L., Du Bois, S. N., Sher, T. G., & Grotkowski, K. 2018 . Defying tradition: Gender roles in long-distance relationships. The Family Journal, 26 1 , 22–30 https://doi.org/10.1177/1066480717731342
5. Anderson, E. A. 1992 . Decision-making style: Impact on satisfaction of the commuter lifestyle. Journal of Family and Economic Issues, 13 1 , 5-21. https://doi.org/10.1007/BF01013643
6. Arditti, J. A., & Kauffman, M. 2004 Staying close when apart. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 3 1 , 27-51. https://doi.org/10.1300/J398v03n01_03
7. Aşıla Ceylaner, G. 2019 . Yakın ve uzak mesafe ilişkilerinde yetişkin bağlanması ve algılanan ilişki değeri arasındaki ilişkiler: Otobiyografik anıların işlevleri. Yayımlanmamış Yüksek Lisans Tezi . Dokuz Eylül Üniversitesi, İzmir.
8. Bao, K. J. & Lyubomirsky, S. 2013 Making it last: Combating hedonic adaptation in romantic relationships, The Journal of Positive Psychology, 8 3 , 196-206. https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2013.777765

9. Belus, J. M., Pentel, K. Z., Cohen, M. J., Fischer, M. S., & Baucom, D. H. 2019 . Staying connected: An examination of relationship maintenance behaviors in long-distance relationships. Marriage & Family Review, 55 1 , 78-98. https://doi.org/10.1080/01494929.2018.1458004
10. Bergen, K. M., Kirby, E., & McBride, M. C. 2007 . "How do you get two houses cleaned?": Accomplishing family caregiving in commuter marriages. Journal of Family Communication, 7 4 , 287–307. https://doi.org/10.1080/15267430701392131
11. Bunker, B. B., Zubek, J. M., Vanderslice, V. J., & Rice, R. W. 1992 . Quality of life in dual-career families: Commuting versus single-residence couples. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 54 2 , 399–407. https://doi.org/10.2307/353071
12. Cameron, J. J., & Ross, M. 2007 . In times of uncertainty: Predicting the survival of long-distance relationships. The Journal of Social Psychology, 147 6 , 581-606. https://doi.org/10.3200/SOCP.147.6.581-606
13. Carter, S. P., & Renshaw, K. D. 2016 . Spousal communication during military deployments: A review. Journal of Family Issues, 37 16 , 2309-2332. https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X14567956
14. Dainton, M., & Aylor, B. 2001 . A relational uncertainty analysis of jealousy, trust, and maintenance in long‐ distance versus geographically close relationships, Communication Quarterly, 49 2 , 172-188. https://doi.org/10.1080/01463370109385624
15. Dainton, M. & Aylor, B. 2002 . Patterns of communication channel use in the maintenance of long‐distance relationships. Communication Research Reports, 19 2 , 118-129.
16. Dargie, E., Blair, K. L., Goldfinger, C., & Pukall, C. F. 2015 . Go long Predictors of positive relationship outcomes in long-distance dating relationships. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 41 2 , 181-202. https://doi.org/10.1080/0092623X.2013.864367
17. Dı̇nçer, D., ve Aydoğan, D. 2019 . Evlilik ilişkisinin gizil güçleri: Özgecil aşk, acının dönüştürücü gücü ve fedakârlık doyumu. Anemon Muş Alparslan Üniversitesi Sosyal Bilimler Dergisi, 7, 65-77. https://doi.org/10.18506/anemon.506
18. Denzin, N. K. 1978 . The research act: A theoretical introduction to sociological methods. United States: McGraw- Hill
19. Du Bois, S. N., Sher, T. G., Grotkowski, K., Aizenman, T., Slesinger, N., & Cohen, M. 2016 . Going the distance: Health in long-distance versus proximal relationships. The Family Journal, 24 1 , 5-14. https://doi.org/10.1177/1066480715616580
20. Erdem, E. 2018 . Uzak mesafe evliliklerinde kadınların yaşadıkları sorunlar. Yayımlanmamış Yüksek Lisans Tezi . Gazi Üniversitesi Sosyal Bilimler Enstitüsü, Ankara.
21. Fiese, B. H., & Tomcho, T. 2001 . Finding meaning in religion us practices: The relation between religious holiday rituals and marital satisfaction. Journal of Family Psychology, 15 4 , 595-609. https://doi.org/10.1037//0893-3200.15.4.597.
22. Groves, M. M., & Horm-Wingerd, D. M. 1991 . Commuter marriages: Personal, family, and career issues. Sociology & Social Research, 75 4 , 212-217.
23. Holmes, M. 2004 . An equal distance? Individualisation, gender and intimacy in distance relationships. Sociological Review, 52 2 , 180–200. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-954X.2004.00464.x
24. Holt, P. A., & Stone, L. S. 1988 . Needs, coping strategies, and coping outcomes associated with long-distance relationships. Journal of College Student Development, 29, 136–141.
25. Impett, E. A., & Gordon, A. M. 2008 . For the good of others: Toward a positive psychology of sacrifice. In S. J. Lopez Ed. , Praeger perspectives. Positive psychology: Exploring the best in people, Vol. 2. Capitalizing on emotional experiences p. 79–100 . Praeger Publishers/Greenwood Publishing Group.
26. Impett, E. A., Gable, S. L., & Peplau, L. A. 2005 . Giving up and giving in: The costs and benefits of daily sacrifice in intimate relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 89 3 , 327–344. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.89.3.327
27. Jackson, A. P., Brown, R. P., & Patterson-Stewart, K. E. 2000 . African American families in dual-career commuter marriages: An investigation of their experiences. The Family Journal, 8 1 , 22–37. https://doi.org/10.1177/106648002236758
28. Karney, B. R., Story, L. B., & Bradbury, T. N. 2005 . Marriages in Context: Interactions Between Chronic and Acute Stress Among Newlyweds. In T. A. Revenson, K. Kayser, & G. Bodenmann Eds. , Decade of behavior. Couples coping with stress: Emerging perspectives on dyadic coping pp. 13–32 . American Psychological Association.
29. Kelmer, G., Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S., & Markman, H. J. 2013 . Relationship quality, commitment, and stability in long‐distance relationships. Family Process, 52 2 , 257-270. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1545- 5300.2012.01418.x
30. Lee, J.-y., & Pistole, M. C. 2012 . Predictors of satisfaction in geographically close and long-distance relationships. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 59 2 , 303–313. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0027563
31. Magnuson, S., & Norem, K. 1999 . Challenges for higher education couples in commuter marriages: Insights for couples and counselors who work with them. The Family Journal, 7 2 , 125-134. https://doi.org/10.1177/1066480799072005
32. Merolla, A. J. 2012 . Connecting here and there: A model of long‐distance relationship maintenance. Personal Relationships, 19 4 , 775-795. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2011.01392.x
33. Mietzner, S., & Lin, L-W. 2005 . Would you do it again? Relationship skills gained in a long distance relationship. College Student Journal, 39 1 , 192–200. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407510363427
34. Nazlı, S. 2001 . Aile danışmanlığı. 2. Baskı. Ankara: Nobel Yayınları.
35. Pistole, M. C., Roberts, A., & Chapman, M. L. 2010a . Long distance and geographically close romantic relationships: Attachment, relationship maintenance, and stress. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 27 4 , 535–552. https://doi.org/10.1177/0748175611400288
36. Pistole, M. C., Roberts, A., & Mosko, J. E. 2010b . Commitment predictors: Long-distance versus geographically close relationship. Journal of Counseling & Development, 88 2 , 146-152.
37. Rabe, M. 2001 . Commuter couples: An inside story. Society in Transition, 32 2 , 277–291.
38. Roberts, A., & Pistole, M. C. 2009 . Long distance romantic relationships: Attachment, closeness, and satisfaction. Journal of College Counseling, 12 1 , 5–17. https://doi.org/10.1002/j.2161-1882.2009.tb00036.x
39. Rohmah, L. F., Noviekayati, I. G. A. A., & Saragih, S. 2020 . Effective communication training to improve the satisfaction of wedding marriage/Long distance marriage LDM review marriage commitments from marriage commitment. International Journal of Multicultural and Multireligious Understanding, 7 8 , 459- 465. https://doi.org/10.18415/ijmmu.v7i8.1947
40. Rotter, J. C., Barnett, D. E., & Fawcett, M. L. 1998 . On the road again: Dual-career commuter relationships. The Family Journal, 6 1 , 46-49. https://doi.org/10.1177/1066480798061009
41. Sahlstein, E. M. 2004 . Relating at a distance: Negotiating being together and being apart in long-distance relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 21 5 , 689-710. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407504046115
42. Scott, A. T. 2002 . Communication characterizing successful long-distance marriages. Yayımlanmamış Doktora Tezi . Louisiana State University, Baton Rouge.
43. Smith, C. K., & Viviani, A. N. N. A. 2013 . Living in two worlds: Personal perspectives in the long-distance commuter relationship. In A. Seto & M. Alice Bruce Eds. , Women’s Retreat: Voices of Female Faculty in Higher Education pp. 125-139 . Lanham, MD: University Press of America, 125-139.
44. Stafford, L. 2005 . Maintaining long-distance and cross-residential relationships. Routledge
45. Stafford, L., & Merolla, A. J. 2007 . Idealization, reunions, and stability in long-distance dating relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 24 1 , 37-54. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407507072578
46. Stafford, L., & Reske, J. R. 1990 . Idealization in communication in long distance premarital relationships. Family Relations, 39 3 , 274–279. https://doi.org/10.2307/584871
47. Walsh, K. 2009 . Geographies of the heart in transnational spaces: Love and the intimate lives of British migrants in Dubai. Mobilities, 4 3 , 427–445. https://doi.org/10.1080/17450100903195656
48. Walsh, F. 2016 . Family resilience: A developmental systems framework. European Journal of Developmental Psychology, 13 3 , 313-324. https://doi.org/10.1080/17405629.2016.1154035
49. Wijayanti, Y. T. 2021 . Long distance marriage couple communication pattern during the Covid-19 Pandemic. Jurnal ASPIKOM, 6 1 , 208-221. https://doi.org/http://dx.doi.org/10.24329/aspikom.v6i1.849
50. Winfield, F. E. 1985 . Commuter marriage: Living together, apart. New York: Columbia University Press.
51. Yeoh, B. S. A. 2009 . Making sense of ‘Asian’ families in the age of migration. Asian Population Studies, 5 1 , 1– 3. https://doi.org/10.1080/17441730902790008.